You’ve done everything “right.” You’ve built a career that others admire, you’re juggling responsibilities like a pro, and you have the appearance of success. But behind closed doors, it’s a different story. You’re stuck in cycles of overthinking, burnout, and a sneaky little habit called self-sabotage.
Sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone. High-achieving women often carry the weight of perfectionism, people-pleasing, and fear of failure—and it shows up in ways that quietly undermine the success they’ve worked so hard to achieve.
I know this because I’ve been there. And I want you to know something: there’s a way out.
Why High-Achieving Women Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotage doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes, it’s subtle. It’s the extra 30 minutes you spend rewriting an email that was perfectly fine the first time. It’s the yes you gave to a project you didn’t want to take on, leaving you stressed and resentful. It's avoiding working out. It's running through the drive thru instead of cooking at home. It’s the brilliant idea you keep putting off because “now isn’t the right time.”
But beneath these behaviors is something deeper:
• Perfectionism: You feel like your work—or you—have to be flawless to be worthy of recognition.
• Fear of Judgment: You worry about what others will think if you take a bold step and it doesn’t work out.
• Over-Commitment: You say yes to everyone else’s needs, leaving no room to honor your own.
• Impostor Syndrome: Even with all your accomplishments, there’s a nagging voice that says, “What if I’m not good enough?”
These patterns often stem from childhood expectations, societal pressures, and the unrelenting need to prove our worth. And while they may have served you in the past, they’re holding you back now.
How Self-Sabotage Shows Up
You might recognize yourself in these common forms of self-sabotage:
1. Procrastination: You delay starting or finishing tasks, often out of fear of failure or imperfection.
2. Overworking: You push yourself to exhaustion, using busyness as a way to feel productive or in control.
3. Avoidance: You steer clear of risks or decisions that could lead to growth because the unknown feels too scary.
4. Overthinking: You spend so much time analyzing options that you end up paralyzed and stuck.
5. Neglecting Self-Care: You prioritize work and others’ needs over your own, leaving you drained and depleted.
How to Break Free from Self-Sabotage
Here’s the good news: self-sabotage is a learned pattern, which means it can be unlearned. With the right strategies, you can stop holding yourself back and step into the confident, aligned, unstoppable version of yourself.
Here’s how:
1. Identify the Root Cause
The first step is getting real about what’s driving your behavior. Ask yourself:
• What am I afraid will happen if I take this step?
• Where did I first learn this pattern?
• What belief about myself is keeping me stuck?
This work is deep, and it can be hard to do alone. That’s why I work with my clients to uncover and reframe these limiting beliefs. Once you know the root cause, you can start to shift it.
2. Reframe Your Thoughts
Your thoughts create your reality. When you catch yourself in a spiral of overthinking or self-doubt, try these reframes:
• Instead of “I have to do this perfectly,” say, “Done is better than perfect.”
• Instead of “What if I fail?” say, “What if I succeed beyond my wildest dreams?”
• Instead of “I can’t handle this,” say, “I am capable of figuring this out.”
3. Set Boundaries and Honor Them
One of the most powerful ways to break free from self-sabotage is to protect your energy.
• Start saying no to things that don’t serve you.
• Schedule time for your priorities, including rest and self-care.
• Practice listening to what you want—not what others expect of you.
4. Take Small, Aligned Actions
Confidence comes from action. The more you take steps aligned with your goals, the more momentum you’ll build. Start small:
• Commit to a 5-minute task you’ve been avoiding.
• Delegate one thing that’s draining your energy.
• Speak up in a meeting or conversation where you’d normally stay quiet.
5. Get Support
Breaking the cycle of self-sabotage isn’t something you have to do alone. In fact, having a coach or mentor to guide you can make all the difference. I help my clients uncover the root of their self-sabotaging behaviors, create a personalized confidence blueprint, and take aligned action toward their goals.
Real Talk: You Don’t Have to Stay Stuck
You’re here for a reason. You’re reading this because some part of you knows you’re meant for more—more joy, more alignment, more ease in your success.
The truth is, you can have it. But first, you have to stop standing in your own way.
If you’re ready to stop the cycle of self-sabotage and step into the confident, aligned version of yourself, I’m here to help. Together, we’ll create the tools, strategies, and shifts you need to reclaim your power and live the life you were meant for.
Ready to get started?
I have a free gift just for you with a tool that you can start using today to get a QUICK win!
Simply download to get started!
You’ve got this. And I’ve got you.
With so much love,
Amanda Surratt, BS, CECP, CBCP, CHLC, CHIHC
Creator of Abundant Body Regulation
The Confidence and Energy Alignment Coach
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